Mothers at Home

Sorting through cooking ingredients in preparation for a cooking class are Suzanne Sanderson, Sydneham Family & Community Development Worker, left, and Sidonie (6), Karen Gentry centre with her daughters Sidonie (6), and Amiria (5), right.

23 Jul 2009

When Karen Gentry looks out her window at the outdoor chairs in her garden, she sees a symbol of her lifelong struggle for self-esteem.
“I bought them with my first pay packet in seven years. It was folly, but they’re really beautiful. Something so lovely for me!” says the mother-of-two who, a few years ago, would never have dreamt of allowing herself such a treat.
Karen has agreed to tell her story in the hope that others might be encouraged by it. Despite her nervousness (and a few trips to the toilet prior to this interview, she says), she courageously shares aspects of her life: her evolution from a woman who felt “like the dirt on someone’s shoe” to being confident enough to tutor a cooking course for mothers with preschoolers.
“I’ll be pleased if even one person relates to my story, thinks ‘I’m in this really terrible turmoil at the moment’ and reaches out to find help,” says Karen. “That’s the hardest step,” she adds.

Karen knows all about the difficulty of making that first step. About four years ago, she saw a “wee ad” in the local newspaper about a support group for mothers with young children. She cut out the advertisement and put it on the fridge. Although keen to know more about the group, the clipping stayed there for “months and months and months.”
“I had two lovely children, and the ad talked about a mothers group and some of the courses they were doing, which impressed me – self-esteem and confidence building. Finally I took the plunge and rang up. I had a sick tummy quite a few times before going to the group. I was so quiet – you can’t believe it, can you?” she laughs.

The programme that had attracted her attention was called “Mothers at Home,” a supportive group that meets at the community centre for an hour and a half each week during the school term. Established in 2006 in response to community research, the programme was developed by community-based staff from the Family and Community Development division of Anglican Care. “Mothers at Home is a community development programme that focuses on three key areas: personal growth and development; parenting skills; and life skills, with an introduction to what community resources are available,” says Suzanne Sanderson, Sydenham Community Development Worker and co-developer of the programme. Courses now run in Addington as well as Sydenham, and are open to mums who, whether alone or with a partner, are caring for pre-school aged children. The women can attend for as “little or as long as they like,” says Suzanne, but tend to like the supportive environment and want to stay involved. About 100 women have attended the groups in the four years they have been offered. Many are referred by Plunket or other agencies.

While Suzanne and her colleague in Addington, Kathryn Byfield-Budd, structure the sessions and often arrange material or speakers for their respective groups, they take their lead from the mothers. “The group is run using a participation and empowering approach,” says Suzanne. This means the topics to be discussed and the pace at which they are covered are determined by the participants themselves.
Another important component is the professional childcare that is provided free-of-charge at the venue. This allows the mothers to maximise their time together without interruptions. The cost is covered by a Tindall Foundation grant; the Spreydon-Heathcote community board, churches and other organisations also support the programme through donations of money or goods.
Through her participation in the Sydenham group, Karen has gained self-confidence and found the support to make changes in her life. “For me, it wasn’t about having a cup of tea and letting the children play; it was about filling my need up. ... To know that I’m worthwhile is what I needed to learn,” she admits frankly.

Her poor self-worth was a legacy of her childhood years, which were spent in East Christchurch. She didn’t come from a family “with beatings or anything like that,” she says, but she “wasn’t very bright” at school, had a speech problem and didn’t get a good education. Her low self-worth, even at primary school, meant she “hung out” with people who didn’t value her either. A bereavement also came into the mix.
The trusting environment Karen experienced during the three years she attended the programme allowed her to “peel back the layers of childhood disappointments and issues” and acquire new life skills. She learned that her past mistakes do not have to define who she is now.
“The goal of the journey – and I’m still on it – is to look in the mirror and like the person who’s staring back at you… learning that your mistakes aren’t you. I grew up with ‘if you’ve made your bed you can lie in it,’ but through this course I’ve learned that that’s a load of rubbish. You can remake your bed!”

Another milestone happened at the end of last year, when Suzanne asked Karen if she would like to run a Mothers at Home cooking class at the community centre. Karen was “shocked and dazed” by the idea, but Suzanne was confident Karen was ready for such a step. “She just shone!” says Suzanne. Under the tutelage of healthcare organisation Partnership Health, Karen completed her training as a cook. Although daunted at first by the learning environment – “I was in a room full of educated women” – she soon realised her strength lay in her practical ability.
“I grew up with a mother that was a good baker, cook, and gardener – so it’s in my roots. I can’t knit or sew to save myself, but I like cooking,” she laughs.

The Great Little Cookbook, published by the Ministry of Social Development, forms the basis of each 6-week class held at the centre. Kitchen equipment is supplied by a mobile kitchen that is operated by Partnership Health. Karen believes the classes – which she is now employed five hours a week to run – are about more than learning to cook economic and healthy meals. “When you see someone feeling good about themselves or [realising] they are worthwhile, that’s your goal really,” she says.
“Little steps, such as rolling out pastry or rubbing the butter and flour to make scones, are huge to some of these ladies. “To hear them say, ‘I cooked that; I can do this,’ it’s like, ‘Yeah and you always could – you just needed to believe, have faith, and give it a go!’” she adds.
She is pleased to be able to offer something back to the centre and to be encouraging other mothers. Meanwhile, her garden chairs act as a daily reminder of an even greater gift she has given herself: a sense of self-worth.

WORDS: MEGAN BLAKIE
PHOTOS: DAVE WETHEY