A child’s response to the earthquake – what to do for the best?

11 Sep 2010

Rev Debbie Smith, Children's Ministry Advisor for the Diocese of Christchurch, offers the following helpful advice for parents with children who are responding to the Christchurch earthquake.

During this last week of the earthquake I have had a number of conversations with parents who, in coping with anxious and frightened children, haven’t known what to do for the best.

When a child is traumatised they may find it difficult or impossible to say how they feel, so they find other ways of showing or expressing their feelings. They may act them out. Their behaviour may become uncharacteristically aggressive, hyperactive or impulsive, both in play and in relationships with others. They may find new games re-enacting what has happened. Some children retreat into their own world, becoming quiet and uncommunicative. They may lose their appetite, play on their own, or shun physical contact, becoming hyper-sensitive to correction from parents, friends or teachers. Some might complain of minor illnesses such as tummy ache, feeling tired, not wanting to go out, or to school, not able to sleep, even having bad dreams or nightmares. A child may revert to a previous pattern like thumb-sucking, being clingy, crying, wetting the bed or needing their old teddy-bear. Whilst such symptoms may be difficult for us to cope with, they will pass.

Some of these changes may be significant, but they should not be seen as abnormal. Whilst everyone reacts differently to traumatic events, all these changes are a response to stress. Those involved closely with children, parents, family members and teachers need to be extra sensitive to their needs and reactions and, where possible, provide reassurance, security and understanding.

Some guidelines:

Don't be afraid to talk
Children won’t benefit from saying such as: ‘don’t think about it, it’ll be ok – don’t be upset.’ In the long run recovery may be made more difficult by not talking about it. A rule of thumb is, don't raise the subject, but when they do, don't avoid the discussion or try to ‘make it better’. Listen, answer questions when you can, provide comfort and support. There are no immediate, easy answers or explanations, but listening and not avoiding or over-reacting to what’s happening will have a crucial and long-lasting positive effect.

Allow contact with friends
Children will benefit from contact with their friends to play and to listen to each other’s stories. Drawing, painting and creative play may help in expressing difficult thoughts and feelings.

Give them age-appropriate information
The more the child knows about who, what, where and why, the easier it is for them to make sense of what’s happening. Unpredictability and the unknown are two things which will make a traumatized child more anxious and frightened. Without information we all speculate and fill the empty space to make a complete story or explanation. In most cases, a child's fears and fantasies are more frightening and disturbing than the truth. Tell the child the truth - even when it is emotionally difficult for you. If you don't know the answer yourself, that’s ok, be honest and open. At the same time be mindful of what you say in front of them.

Provide consistency and pattern
Try and maintain the normal pattern of your day. If it changes, explain why. It is frightening for traumatized children when they see that their carers are themselves disorganized, confused and anxious. When parents are overwhelmed, irritable or anxious, help your child to recognise that this is understandable in the situation and will pass. Be consistent in your style of discipline. When you need to be flexible, help them to understand the reasons.

Be appropriately comforting & affectionate
Giving hugs, kisses and physical comfort to children is important. A good principle is to allow them to take the initiative. Don’t try and interrupt a child's play or other free activities by insisting that they give you a hug or a kiss.

Keep an eye on behaviour
Many traumatized children are likely to have some combination of anxiety type symptoms in the next few weeks. A recurrence of symptoms is usually because they are being reminded in some way of what has happened. Be comforting and tolerant. Symptoms usually come and go - often for no apparent reason. The best thing you can do is to observe any pattern that is emerging.

Keep an eye on activities
The media and computer games may have a detrimental effect. Don’t underestimate their impact and don’t hesitate to cut short or stop activities that are upsetting. Try to monitor what they are doing and to restructure or limit anything that increases symptoms of anxiety.

Give a sense of control
When a traumatized child feels that they have no control of a situation, predictably their symptoms recur or escalate. When a child is given some choice or element of control they will feel more safe and able to be involved in what is happening. Where there is difficulty with their cooperation, frame the consequence as a choice for them: ‘there is a choice: you can choose to do what I have asked or you can choose something else, which you know is ....’ Putting it this way gives a child a sense of control and helps to reduce their helplessness and anxiety.

Our children can play a vital role in our communities as we make the transition towards healing, stability and recovery. Any parent wants to protect their child and to do what’s best. However, in the end we all have little choice but to face our fears and the unpredictability of life. If we make changes to our usual pattern we run the risk of escalating the disruption when we eventually return to what is normal. In and through all of this we can look to God, who alone enables us to find peace and security that passes our understanding and in whose love our fear finds perspective.

(based on the work of Dr B Perry)

Download these guidelines as a word document below